Getting hit in the face is embarrassing; having to endure such punishment while a buddy wiggles his hips, cackles, and shrieks "who's your daddy" is pure torture. Welcome to the world of Knockout Kings 2003, the latest pugilistic pastime from the brain trust at EA Sports responsible for interactive gems like Madden NFL 2003 and SSX Tricky.

Never ones to shirk responsibility, the faceless drones working behind the scenes at the nation's most prolific publisher of video games have had another brilliant revelation -- lacking any sort of boxing simulation whatsoever, GameCube owners deserved not just an upstart amateur, but the heavyweight champ of realistic ringside competition as an introduction to the genre. Bearing this in mind, you'll find Knockout Kings 2003 not just another excellent entry in the popular franchise, but a solid addition to your collection as well.

Starting off against simple opponents, Knockout Kings difficulty levels are subtly cranked upwards as fights are won, because as you go, attributes are rated and improved through performance rewards dished out according to just how well you cripple the competition. A perfectionist could waste days blowing through rematches simply to increase his or her stats, in fact. Accept it as a small blessing that an equally robust career mode with a killer "athlete creation" engine lets you design a mug and torso that fit the scenario. All the hours you've invested in your character won't be for naught -- you'll actually grow attached to your little glass-jawed bugger as a result.

Still, emotional connections might work against sensitive types when combat gets underway. Punches hit so hard you can feel them -- it's that intense! Boxers sport a semi-unrealistic sheen (meant to be sweat, one can only assume), but other than that are quite natural looking. Animation quality is excellent too, as the roster of huge names (Ali, Frazier, etc.) attached to the game perform like their real-life counterparts, charging each other like raging bulls right out of the gate. Ropes, rings, gloves, trunks, crowds … the whole lot of objects and personalities populating each of the ten available arenas has a rather nice appearance, which gives them an endearing quality, even if it's the fighters themselves who'll command the majority of your attention and admiration.

But I'm like you -- always dubious of a title whose looks could possibly outclass its gameplay. Luckily, Knockout Kings 2003 alleviates all our woes, having been blessed with an extremely workmanlike control scheme. Staring at an adversary, you can bob and weave effortlessly, using the gamepad as a natural extension of your body. Light touches produce small motions, with heavier presses producing more pronounced results. Even those who've never seen an uppercut up close should gravitate to the interface with ease.

Dig a little deeper, and you'll see it's all part of the developers' intentions; while realistically inclined touches permeate the action, gameplay is pointedly slanted in favor of amusement over authenticity. Although it isn't officially a "Big" brand title, oftentimes the game feels as if it should be, with a flashy demeanor better suited to Midway's Ready 2 Rumble franchise.

Holyfield vs. Lewis 12.
Then again, I could just be imaging things … or suffering flashbacks as the result of a new "Slugfest" mode. Here players do away with rules in favor of a good, old-fashioned fracas, eschewing referees and round clocks for massive punches wherein you hit opponents like a head-on with a Mack truck. Shamelessly shallow, but irresistibly fun nonetheless, it's a wonderful way to blow off steam after getting your ass handed to you by artificial adversaries in the game's standard play modes.